long time no catch up!

hi bloggiiee!!! long time no posting well kinda busy ryt now, but yes still a lot of things going on in my life. and for tonite i'm gonna tell u 'bout my lovelife as usual. it's harsh and never been easy dunno why just still all my past like hunting me and no one understand except one person and it's my best friend.

seperti  malam ini seperti malam malam yg lalu sepi, sunyi, senyap,berasa orang hampa yg haus akan kasih sayang padahal punya pacar tp berasa gak punya karna bbm cuman di read dan selebihnya gak deliv. oke makin gak ngerti juga sama provider yg satu ini dan saya akan mensamarkan namanya sebut saja extra large.
hem.... gatau ya kenapa berantem masalah itu itu aja. mungkin ada saatnya gue harus ngalah cuman gue terlalu cape untung selalu ngalah  sama kedelapan orang yg lalu. emang sih dia pasti beda sama yg lain setidaknya "better" tp makin kesini kayanya malah makin keliatan kesamaannya. yap masih di hantui dengan masa lalu yang tak kunjung mengerti akan beratnya hidup ini :"") oke makin menjijikan bahasa gue. tapi beneran emang entah ya setiap berantem beneran loh ngerasa sakit gimana gitu gatau lebay apa enggak tapi emang beneran ganjel kerasa sakit tp gak ada yg berdarah. kerasa hampa tapi gak beneran hampa. kerasa galau emang gue selalu galau :| andaikan di otak gue ada proyektor yg bisa nunjukin apa yg gue rasain ke semua orang tanpa nangis atau rasa gak enak sama orang yang bakal ngeliat dan gak bakal boong juga yakali kan otak boong.
mungkin malam ini bakal gue lewatkan dengar mendengarkan lagu galau nyesek ala vns, cody simpson, dan jessie j. akan merasa sedikit bersalah karna mancing dan egois pen sekali kali ngambek biar liat dia reaksi gimana tapi ternyata tetep.... reaksi yang tidak di harapkan malah berbuntut kehancuran, emang bener "no expectations, no disappoinments" terlalu banyak berharap ujung ujungnya jatoh juga.
sadar kok buat gaboleh terlalu sayang karna ujung ujungnya bakal di tinggal gausah juga berharap mendapat perlakuan yg bakal beda karna ujung ujungnya bakal sama kaya mantannya yaitu "dilupakan" tau sih gak bakal juga dia buka posting ini dan langsung melting terharu sambil nyanyiin lagi cody simpson yang not just you atau lagunya sterling knight yang what you mean to me. sadar kok kalo otak gue terlalu ftv selalu ngarep bakal ada cowo yg sweet yg rela lakuin apa aja buat gak nyakitin atau sekedar ngehargain apa yang dia punya. yang gentle dan macho berlaku seperti seorang pria yang tau gimana cara nge treat cewe itu biar nyaman dan gak suka mikir macem macem seperti yang hampir setiap saat gue lakukan.
dan yap kembali ke pembahasan awal itu semua hanya pengharapan yang gak bakal berujung dengan sesuatu yg manis kaya ftv yg suka siang siang dit tayangin.

cukup sekian posting yang penuh khayalan nan pengharapkan di sajikan dengan bahasa yang sangat menjijikan antara bahasa baku dan gaul yang jadi aneh. terima kasih sudah membaca curcolan saya. dan jangan khawatir mungkin saya akan mengposting cerita galau lainnya. sekali lagi NO EXPECTATIONS, NO DISAPPOINMENTS. see yaa in the next galau posting. xoxo

satnite!

    Heeeyy blooggiiieee!! 1st posting on may 2011. nothin' special actually, just kinda feel extremely bored. mungkin untuk sebagian besar remaja pada umumnya satnite itu saat saat yang paling di tunggu dalam satu minggu.They used to hang out w/ somefriends atau bareng pacar. Tapi saat saat itu gak pernah berlaku buat gue. Yap, gue emang anak rumahan yang gak pernah ngerasain satnite samsek, sedih gak siih ngeeee T____T. Gue sudah berumur 15 tahun dan kelas satu SMA tapi gak pernah satnite. Gak pengen juga di bilang gue mau satnite karna pengen ngerasain gaul just wanna know how it feels.

    Banyak orang yang bilang saat paling berharga dan bahagia  itu masa masa SMA. tapi kayanya gak berlaku juga buat gue. dari tk sampe SMA kerjaan gue cuman keluar masuk tempat kursus. sebagian waktu gue tersita buat les. sebenernya gak ada paksaan juga dari ortu buat selalu ikut les, tapi menurut gue itu cara yang bener buat gak selalu di rumah dan gak bakal menunjukkan efek negatif apabila dilakukan. mungkin kalo gue udah gede dan nyesel karna gak memanfaatkan masa masa SMA i'll blame my parents to forbid me to do some things that i want or even that i like. back to reality dan gue sadar sih gak ada cara apapun buat bikin ortu gue sadar dikiiitttt ajaaaa tentang semua hal yg bikin gue merasa terganggu selama ini.

     okaaaayy kehabisan ide lagi -_- cukup sampai di sini, see ya at the next posting, keep follow this blog. i'm out. byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.. tons of love <3

dear you

    hey there what's up? i hope you're doin' right now. i'm kinda missing you now. i'm thinking 'bout you lately. well... yeah i now it's suck but i can't lie to my self and force my self to stop doin' that. i'm reminising some memory when we still together. i miss when you doin' silly things. i miss all the word you have to say to me
even i feel you've been so annoying but you now that i love you. everything remind me of you. when i was sitting and listening to my ipod some songs remind me of  you actually every song. even my school.  i love when you say "i'll pick you up, i'm on my way to your school". yap i feel like you still care 'bout me even i'm no ask you to do that but you do.

    everybody say i'm wrong to keep our relationship. i know i end up this first but i know this is the best for us at least for you. I can't keep you by my side while you don't even want to do that anymore. I really love you, that's why i have to let you go so you can find another one to make you cheer up again like our old days, have a great time with you and spending every second with you. It tears me up when i say those words. my heart was dying inside. i dunno if you feel the same way but i know you do when you said you love me for the first time.

     I remember the time that you said you love me. it was at the middle of the noon i was watching TV and you said " i love you". damn i feel like... i can't describe it. i directly go to my room and thinking. what am i supposed to do? should i say i love you too? or what? my brain is completely blank that time. deep inside i can't believe of what you said but you did it. you successfully stole my heart and convince me that you're gonna be the one for me. you'll do everything to make me believe that you're different with all the boys in my past. you promise that you'll never hurt me. you keep on sayin' i love you but.... honestly first i don't really feel the same. as time goes by i deeply truly in love with you. i'm in to you. i need you. i love everything you do.
      pity, everything suddenly goin' wrong. we can't find the old us. we arguing everyday. you mess everything. you're close to some girls. you give a damn. you become careless. seriously.. i feel so painful but i cover it by my smile for make you think that i'm okay and everything allright. until that day come. the day that i can't stand it anymore. i can't faking my smile to cover my pain. all i can do is cry. so we choose the right way (i hope) we choose that we better to be a part. you go your own way and i go mine. i feel down. i was crying so hard. i feel stuck.but i know it just the beginning someday i'll find another you it just take little time and need my patient. someday i'll find
a boy that can make me smile
a boy that can make me forget all the problem because his jokes
a boy that can make me comfortable when he around
a boy that will be always by my side
a boy that can make me fall in love, and he loves me back
someday.. 

in a night

halooooo folks!!! wassaaaappppp?!!!! hahahaha gak long time no posting sih hhh tapi yaaa seperti biasa random feelings nih dari pada jatohnya galau di twitter mending yaa nge blog aza laaah hahahaha.

well... hari ini cape bangeet gue abis main di salah satu perayaan ulang tahun acara sma di jakarta. heem gak cukup berkesan sebenernya tapi seruuu yang bikin seru karna adanya temen temen gue yang nampol banget gobloknya. hari ini gue full di ceng in sama temen temen gue. dan di ceng in nya dalam semua hal. acara pensi yang gue ramaikan hari ini benar benar sepi tepatnya udah kaya lagi eskul -_- awalnya gue sangat bersemangat buat main disana tapi pas dateng *jeng jeng kriiiikkk gak ada satupun orang yang berdiri di depan panggung. gue pun langsung terdiam meratapi nasib (bener bener pensi nih). karna gue berusaha profesional gue harus tetep memberikan penampilan terbaik *eaaaaa. sangking kriknya acara itu gue sampe berhasil menyelundupkan 2 orang ke dalem tanpa tiket dan mengaku sebagai crew padahal bukan.
pada dasarnya gue emang banci panggung banget jadi gue tetep bisa tampil dengan sangat poweful biar semua orang bisa inget gue hahahahahaha.


oke tiba tiba gue bingung mau bilang apa enough deeh. i'm out see you in the next posting cemaaan

lovely and painfully 1111

 heey guuuyyss!!!! first post in 2011!!! new years new beginning!! happy new year!! kinda late -_- but anyway lets try this wonderful posting with story from my fckin' love life. yeaah as you know if you read the previous posting my love life never get so nice as hell -_- but i just try to enjoy it.

 oke gue ketemu seorang cowo *cakelah ini bahasa gue jelek amat. actually udah kenal lama sih ketemunya juga gara gara my lovely TECHNO GREEN :***** hehehehe. berawal dari gue menjual tiket ya maklum lah pas tg gue rela melakukan apa aja buat tg \m/!!. well he is a friend of my friend. hmm when first time i met him i never thought he is gonna be so important for me. temen gue sering banget yang namanya bilang udah sama dia aja sama dia aja tapi pasti gue bilang ah ogah ah ogah dan ternyata gue ngejilat ludah sendiri dan jadi deket sama dia. kinda express actually just 1 week!! can u imangine that u fallin' in to someone just one week!! geez *oke ini lebay tapi bener -.-


pas dia bilang kalo dia yaa you know wht i mean laahh. gue gak yakin parah iya laahh baru pdkt seminggu gitu malah mungkin kita langsung percaya. butt he convince be and successfully stole my heart damn hate it.
as time goes by awal awalnya seruu bangeett dan awalnya juga gue gak terlalu sayang gimana tapi lama lama yaowooh sayang beneran T.T. saat waktu 3 minggu seperti biasa 3 minggu menurut gue tuh bala bangeeettt bener pertama kalinya bener bener berantem dan ampir sutup dari situ our relationship never get smooth there's always some cek cok hhh drive me crazy meeenn. kemaren tepatnya valentine kita 1 bulan 2 minggu and i just can't stand it anymore. gue pun memutuskan untuk ke sekolahnya buat ngomong untuung teman temanku yg sangat baik pada mau nemenin. dari kemaren malemnya gue udah mikir di sekolah udah latihan buat ngomong sama dia. tapi begitu ketemu ngeeekk buyar yg di otak kaki gemeter tangan dingin. hhhh dunno what to say. sampe se jam temen temen gue nunggu gue buat ngomong tp gue malah loncat loncat kesana kemarii otak gue completely blank.  karna gue mikir kasian juga temen gue udah cape cape nemenin gue akhirnya gue bilang "sutup" yeeaahh akhirnya itu kata kata keluar juga. dia diem gue diem. terus dia ngomong apa gue lupa hahaha tapi yaa gue keluarin tuh unek unek selama ini yg namanya bales bbm 2 kata kaya pake esia dan lain lain. setelah gue lama ngebacot dan dia lama diem. untuk mempersingkat waktu akhirnya dia mutusin buat break aja seminggu. dan sangking idiotnya gue gue tuh gatau yg namanya break tuh gimana apa keep contact apa emg kaya putus pas gue tanya aan dia menjawab dgn sangat jahat "break itu artinya udahan dulu biar cowo lo bisa main cewe dan kalo udah bosen balik lagi ke lo, lo itu kaya boneka" ngeeennsssss jleb tuh kata kata kalo gue tau break kaya gitu mending gausah deeeh T.T
tapi gue juga hargain keputusan dia dan gue gak mau jadi egois jadi yaudah tahan selama seminggu galau sih tetep lanjut tp setidaknya gue udah gak nangis.

P.S: i said that want to end this because i dont want me to interrupting your day. i love you and i always do so don't ever have doubt about it. but the problem is, do you feel the same?

R!<31111

some stories from my teenager life

hey bloogggiiee long time no posting and i think this is the right time to share some stories who come from my home. i hope my parents gonna search my name on google find this blog and realize how much i hurt, look what they have done to me. that seriously not really good.

i spend a lot of time in my home honestly i'm not really feel comfertable in my own home i wonder why and may be it's because my parents behavior especially my dad. his ego is bigger than this world he always blame someone else for his own false. of course is affect me and my sister. first may be just me who feel like this but soon my sister will feel the same. all i want in my head right now is jus RUN AWAY it heard too much but just that i thought for now. i just want that my parents respect my decision i'm not their doll. i know i'm their child but it doesn't mean they can control my own life without caring what i think what i feel. it feel unfair. especially for this life. what they do right now just ruin my joy. i'm very fuckin' jealous with my friends, i'm just regular teenager. this time is the biggest time of my whole life. in this time i will built my character and go figure who i am. all i want is just support from my parents just it, is that too much?.

i wanna share some story with my mom  like my friends do, they can share all they think. they can talk about boys,friends,teachers,school and all the girl stuff. but i just can't do it. i can't just open my heart my mind to tell those things to my mom. i love her so much but she never can understand me. all i do is always wrong. i'll try my best to get high score but if i can get 85 she still fell it so low. i don't know what am i supposed to do. should i meet psychiatrist? or run away to the National commission child?

all i wanna say right now is i love my parents so much. i need a little respect from them. just respect all i do to them. i'll try my best to be good girl. so please try your best to be a perfect parents to me. :')  

malam sepi

hello folks!!!!
first at all title postingnya ko sedikit menijikan ya wkwk tapi  gak ada inspirasi sih tapi selow B)

heeeyyy hmm gak tau sih sebernernya mau ngomong apa cuman lagi bosen aja otak butek nih belajar terus mumpung lagi inget sama blog ku tersayang :*
eh masa masa yaaa gue jadi jarang looh dengerin lagu metal abis cape juga menyandang predikat menjadi anak metal \m/ tapi di hina juga gara gara sukanya metal gaul wkwk. sekarang lagi suka sama musik yang kaya danger radio love their music so much ♥. musik nya enak denger banget nge jazz nge jazz gidu *apalah gue hahahaha.

pengen dah kali kali nge posting yang panjang gitu kaya blog blog orang dengan isis yang lebih bermutu biar berguna juga ini blog biar gak sepi sepi amat gituuu tapi ya sehubung gue juga anknya gak kreatif jadi ya susah juga ini blog mah udah kaya diary aja abis lebih enak cerita di blog sih dari pada nulis di buku yang ucul ucul gitchuu wkwkwk.

oke sekian untuk malam ini walau pun sama seperti malam malam yang lalu sepi gak punya pacar dan akhirnya galau hahaha
byeeeeeeeeeeee blooogiiieeeeeeee smooocccchh unyyyyuuuuu :*